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For women candidates, that ‘extra’ question: ‘What about the kids?'

For women candidates, that ‘extra’ question: ‘What about the kids?'

“Can you really expect to serve in public office while raising small children?” Um, yes. And why not ask men the same question?

Natalie Mihalek is a Republican seeking the nomination for state House in the 40th District. She and her family reside in Upper St. Clair.

I’m at a meeting in my district and reaching out to local committee members in my bid for state House.

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I talk about my background as a veteran of the U.S. Navy’s Nuclear Power Program and share stories about the times I prosecuted drug dealers and would-be murderers as an assistant district attorney.

Then it happens — as it has several times before. A hand goes up. What arrangements have I made for child care? Can I really expect to serve in public office while raising small children? What about the kids?

There’s some embarrassed silence. I calmly explain that parenting is enhanced and families strengthened when both parents have roles both inside and outside the home. Women handle challenges at all stages of their lives. Just like men.

I have a question too, but I refrain from asking it: Why am I the only candidate in the room being asked these questions?

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Do they think mothers don’t already juggle multiple tasks?

Has no one noticed that men, my husband included, are also parents and share parenting duties?

Have I somehow wandered into 1950?

I suspect that someone in the opposition has been planting these questions, hoping to appeal to the least worthy impulses in the political class. That would be a comfort of sorts. No one wants to believe ordinary, civic-minded people think this way.

Certainly, voters don’t.

When a candidate for Superior Court was asked that question 20 years ago, it created a storm. She had to explain that, as in every other job, you make things work. The bar association did not forward the question to the candidate’s husband for further insight because none was needed and, frankly none was deserved. That nominee won handily.

I’m not a career politician. Maybe that’s why these questions are so jarring, offensive even. People outside the orbit of endless politics know how women combine motherhood and careers. We do it all the time.

People looking for reasons to dislike a candidate ask these kinds of questions, because political careerists are trained at sowing doubt. It’s time to plant a little confidence, especially when it comes to advancing women in both parties.

Right now, we’re dealing with a state that has a $70 billion unfunded pension liability. We haven’t passed an on-time budget in three straight years. The governor wants to raise taxes rather than control spending. And opioid addiction has run rampant in our communities, ruining lives and destroying families.

It seems to me that we should enlist everyone in a crisis. I’m not running in spite of my children. I’m running because of them. Women are never asked that question, but we’re usually the ones with the right answer.

Women run for office because that’s the place we can use our insights and knowledge, as well as our understanding of people and their needs, to make the changes that matter. It’s also the reason men run. But it only works when they’re running in good faith, with a real intention to serve others and not themselves.

It would be much easier, I suppose, to run as a childless professional politician, but voters wouldn’t be getting the benefits of the insight that come with parenting, nor the sense of life-balance that enriches decision making.

So, to answer the question: What provisions have I made to care for my children? Lots. And among them, is creating a stronger, better-functioning state of Pennsylvania. They live here, too.

First Published: March 18, 2018, 4:00 a.m.

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