This exercise should probably include a disclaimer.
Or a case of beer.
But a couple days after Steve Pearce announced his retirement, putting together this list seemed like the perfect thing to do, even if it was painful.
Pearce, an eighth-round pick of the Pirates in 2005, was supposed to blossom into a power hitter and potentially succeed Adam LaRoche at first base. Yet over five disappointing years in Pittsburgh, Pearce slashed just .232/.302/.366, homered nine times in 185 games and was never able to get his minor league success to translate into big league games.
Three years after the Pirates made him a free agent in November 2011, Pearce finally broke out with the Orioles in 2014, hitting 21 home runs and producing an OPS of .930 in 338 at-bats. Pearce became the World Series MVP with the Red Sox in 2018, going 4-for-12 in the series with three of those hits being home runs.
The good — or probably bad — news is that Pearce has company.
Whether it’s recent with Tyler Glasnow or Austin Meadows or six or seven decades back with Bob Purkey and Wilbur Wood, there’s a lengthy list of players who’ve flopped in Pittsburgh, only to discover success elsewhere.
Enough to field a team, honestly, assuming we could find someone to catch. But when you look at this pitching staff, it might not matter. So, without any further delay, we present to you the Pirates’ All-Time Torment Team:
Steve Pearce, first base — In 766 games over 13 years, Pearce was worth 10.0 Wins Above Replacement, according to Baseball Reference, though that mark was just minus-0.1 in Pittsburgh.
Dave Cash, second base — Very deep position here, first off. So much so that we have Willie Randolph on the bench. But it’s hard to ignore what Cash did after he was traded to the Phillies for Ken Brett. (The Pirates had other options in Rennie Stennett and Randolph.) From 1974-76, Cash was a three-time All-Star, missed just two games and twice had 200 or more hits.
Brock Holt, shortstop — Not a natural shortstop, but it’ll have to do. Again, with this pitching staff, we might be able to stick a bucket here. After appearing in 24 games in 2012 and hitting .292, the Pirates dealt Holt, a ninth-round pick in 2009, to Boston as part of the Mark Melancon trade. With the Red Sox, Holt became an All-Star in 2015 and remains the only player in baseball history to hit for the cycle in a postseason game.
Aramis Ramirez, third base — This was tough because it sort of violates the Barry Bonds/Dave Parker Rule of this team in that Ramirez actually did something in Pittsburgh, putting together a 2001 when he hit .300 with 34 home runs, 112 RBIs and an OPS of .885. But it’s more about what Ramirez did after leaving via one of the worst trades in franchise history: nine times hitting 25 or more homers, six times finishing with 100 or more RBIs, three-time All-Star and finishing in the top 20 in MVP voting five times. Ramirez was worth 41.9 WAR throughout his career, with just 2.4 coming during his time in Pittsburgh.
Moises Alou, left field — It’s easy to forget Alou was a first-round pick in 1986 because he played just two games with the Pirates before he was sent to Montreal in the Zane Smith trade. Alou would spend the next 17 years making that move look almost ridiculous as the fact that he used to urinate on his own hands. Six-time All-Star. Seven times top 25 in MVP balloting. Lifetime .303 hitter worth 39.9 WAR. Best season was 1998, when he hit .312 with 38 homers, 124 RBIs and a .981 OPS. You get the idea.
Austin Meadows, center field — This first-time All-Star looks downright soothing between Alou and the Torment Team’s right fielder, Jose Bautista. After just 49 games with the Pirates, Meadows punched his ticket to Torment Team fame by hitting .291 with 33 home runs, 89 RBIs and 83 runs scored in 138 games with the Rays last season.
Jose Bautista, right field — Granted the Pirates weren’t the only victims here — Bautista became the first player to make five rosters in one season (2004), though he only played for four of those teams — but they did draft Bautista and spent five years getting mediocre to below-average production out of him. Once Bautista left? You know that part. Fifty-four homers in 2010. Another 43 the next year. Becoming Joey Bats. Six-time All-Star. Four times in the top 10 of MVP voting. In five years with Pittsburgh, Bautista had 43 homers and 159 RBIs. In 10 years with the Blue Jays, he had 288 and 766.
Brandon Moss, bench (outfield) — He was supposed to be the heir apparent to Jason Bay. Instead, the whole thing just fizzled. Moss was a .228 hitter in three seasons with the Pirates, totaling a whopping 13 home runs and 66 RBIs. Moss was designated for assignment in March 2010, spent 2011 in the Phillies organization, contemplated retirement, then broke out in 2012 with the A’s, igniting a three-year stretch where he slashed .254/.340/.504 with 76 home runs and 220 RBIs. Moss was worth 6.9 WAR in his career — minus-1.2 in Pittsburgh.
Willie Randolph, bench (second base) — A seventh-round draft pick by the Pirates in 1972, Randolph would hit .164 in 30 games in 1975 before he was traded with Brett and Dock Ellis to the Yankees for Doc Medich. (Has to be the first and only Doc(k)-for-Doc trade, right?) Anyway, Randolph, predictably, became an All-Star the next year, one of six on his resume. (We actually thought about starting Randolph over Cash, but consistent with this list, we decided to screw it up just for fun.)
The pitching staff
Disclaimer: Same as Bonds and Parker, we’re excluding Gerrit Cole. (Like you’d need him with this staff.) Even though they could have and should have gotten more out of Cole, he was part of winning baseball’s re-emergence in Pittsburgh, went to the All-Star Game in 2015 and finished fourth in Cy Young voting that year; in other words, they at least got something.
Jason Schmidt — The big right-hander was OK in Pittsburgh. He had a 4.07 ERA in 214⅓ innings with 158 strikeouts in 1998. But that was nothing compared to what he accomplished once he left. Schmidt was a three-time All-Star and finished second and fourth in Cy Young voting in 2003 and ’04, respectively. His strikeouts per nine innings went from 6.7 to 9.0 (Cole’s spiked from 8.4 to 13.1), and Schmidt topped out with 18 wins and 251 strikeouts in 2004. In six years with the Giants, Schmidt went 78-37 with a 3.36 ERA, more than a full run better than his ERA in Pittsburgh (4.39).
Rick Reed — The Pirates literally got less than nothing out of Reed from 1988-91, when he was worth minus-1.2 WAR. Then, after he nearly became a replacement player, Reed’s career took off, the right-hander going 59-36 with a 3.66 ERA (16.4 WAR) during a five-year run with the Mets from 1997-2001.
Bob Purkey — The Pirates wouldn’t make Purkey a starter back in the mid-to-late 1950s, but the Reds did. And it worked. Purkey, who went to South Hills High School, went 16-30 with a 4.36 ERA with the Pirates before the knuckleballer became a five-time All-Star with the Reds, going 23-5 and finishing third in Cy Young voting in 1962. Purkey went 103-76 with a 3.49 ERA over seven years in Cincinnati.
Wilbur Wood — Probably another, “Who?” Also another knuckleballer. After 37 appearances over two seasons in Pittsburgh, Wood was traded to the White Sox in October 1966. By 1968, Wood had a 1.87 ERA in 88 appearances for the White Sox. He’d become a four-time 20-game winner, a three-time All-Star and finish in the top three in Cy Young voting each year from 1971-73, a three-year run where he was worth a total of 30.0 WAR.
Esteban Loaiza — Say what you want about Loaiza’s problems now, but he went from someone with a 4.63 ERA in four seasons with the Pirates to someone who was a two-time All-Star and a 20-game winner with the White Sox in 2003 at age 31, going 21-9 with a 2.90 ERA and 207 strikeouts.
Tyler Glasnow — This one, like Meadows, has been well-chronicled, that 2016 season where Glasnow had a 1.87 ERA with Class AAA Indianapolis in 20 starts, where he struck out 133 over those 110⅔ innings, feeling like forever ago. Glasnow’s talent never translated in Pittsburgh, though Tampa has tapped into it big time, making Glasnow an ace. He went 6-1 this past season with a 1.78 ERA and 76 strikeouts against just 14 walks. If he can stay healthy, this could get even worse.
Charlie Morton — Injuries certainly played a part here, but it’s brutal when you look at what the Pirates got out of Morton versus what happened once he left. Morton won 41 games and had a 4.39 ERA during seven seasons at Pittsburgh. He’s won 45 games with a 3.24 over the past three. His strikeouts per nine in Pittsburgh (6.3) pales in comparison to what Morton has done in Houston (10.4) and Tampa (11.1).
Jason Mackey: jmackey@post-gazette.com and Twitter @JMackeyPG.
First Published: April 16, 2020, 4:05 p.m.
