My life is mundane, far from Wisteria Lane; there's no Bree or Lynette, no skeleton in the closet. But I need a ratings boost, and considering the theme this week -- "Shrummies" -- I'm calling this annual ode to the PG North football season "Desperate Columnist." Here goes:
Top player: Steve Paskorz, Hampton. Undaunted by losing the quarterback sweepstakes to fellow sophomore Bob Bartley, Paskorz shifts to tailback and proceeds to lead the WPIAL in rushing during the regular season. That's versatility -- and talent. He ends up with 2,187 yards, 27 touchdowns and an indelible impression.
Top team: Perry. Only one other squad in the region, Springdale, got as far as the semifinals of its league. The Commodores, supposedly in a rebuilding year, made it five straight in the City.
Top team with an asterisk: Central Catholic, which has five starters living in Hampton.
Top coach: Jack McCurry, North Hills. The man had quadruple bypass surgery last summer, joked that people were surprised that doctors even found a heart, then did what he does well -- win a heap of games.
Top game: West Allegheny 52, Hampton 42. Trailing 35-14 in the third quarter, the Talbots rallied for a 35-35 tie and turned a AAA quarterfinal rout into a Grade-A classic. No other WPIAL playoff game has featured as many points.
Top play: Gary Nolen, Perry. His fourth-quarter strip of Pea-body's Darrin Haynes, 1 yard shy of the end zone, preserved the lead and -- probably -- the City title for the Commodores on Friday.
Scary Injury I: Andrew McMillen, North Allegheny. A preseason shoulder injury kept this marvelous, muscular running back from playing much of the season and the Tigers from achieving as much as anticipated.
Scary Injury II: Ryan Lehmeier, North Hills. The Indians were 6-0 with their fleet-footed quarterback healthy. Then a high ankle sprain cost him two games and limited him in the final three. He still accounted for 1,616 yards on offense, but his injury and the one that truncated linebacker Jordan Leviere's season in late September hindered North Hills.
Scary Injury III: Travis Ankeny, Deer Lakes. Through four games, Ankeny was on pace to rush for 1,200 yards and the Lancers were 3-1. Then, on the first play at West Shamokin, he sustained a fractured ankle. The Lancers won that night, but lost their final four without him.
Best air show: North Catholic. Jason Schanbacher was intercepted 24 times. But, in his only season as a starter, this senior passed for a school-record 2,295 yards plus 20 touchdowns. He, Pete Gaertner (56 receptions) and Andy Hodanich (46) were a lot of fun to watch this autumn.
True titans award: Shaler Area. Jacque DeMatteo's team went 3-7 and was shut out four times. But considering the devastation the Sept. 17 floods wrought in the Shaler district, who cares? What these kids did, helping their families and others persevere, makes them winners.
Junior achievement: Bobby Alexander, Butler Area. This junior missed a game, yet was only 17 yards shy of rushing for 1,000. He topped 200 twice and averaged about 7 yards per carry for a 1-9 team. He leads a young backfield that gives the Golden Tornado hope in 2005.
Fond Adieu I: Jim Rankin, North Allegheny. He was always an excellent leader and outstanding interview, extremely loyal to his school and players. Rankin's retirement leaves a massive void, at NA and here.
Fond Adieu II: Todd Massack, Fox Chapel Area. The Foxes won only 11 times in his four seasons, made the playoffs just once, and were 0-10 this fall. But regardless of the circumstances, Massack remained a class act.
First Published: November 19, 2004, 5:00 a.m.