Prognosticator. Dogfather. Mahatma. Champion of the Blawnox Monopoly League.
The Fumbler wears many hats.
Someone was once quoted as saying, “Hats off to The Fumbler. He’s a worldly man and a national treasure.” Or was it “I take my cap off” or maybe “I tip my hat?”
When it comes to folks making endearing comments like those — and if you watch enough player and coach interviews, you’re no doubt privy to them — The Fumbler often loses his mind (what’s left of it, at least). It’s not that he doesn’t like the outpour of respect. It’s just that the wording of it is about as consistent as the play of freshman quarterback.
So, what is the actual saying? The Fumbler paid a visit to a local Lids store the other day, hoping someone there would have an answer. No luck. It was not a wasted trip, though. He bought a sweet Schenley Spartans tossle cap and a Ford City Sabres fitted hat.
Google. Siri. Players. Coaches. The Fumbler’s neighbor’s cat. None of them could give The Fumbler definitive evidence that there is actually one specific way the phrase should be worded. Siri did have a great comeback when The Fumbler asked her to tell him a joke: “I don’t get along with car keys. They’re always starting something.”
Coincidentally, The Fumbler is going to end something. That would be this rant. Whether it’s taking off hats or caps, or tipping them, The Fumbler will just have to deal with it. Besides, life is too short. It’s better to laugh your head off than lose your head.
The Fumbler went 47-12 last week, which moved him to 220-68 (.763) for the season.
The Fumbler is on Twitter — @FumblerPG
Here are his thoughts on this weekend’s top games:
Western Beaver at Sto-Rox, 7 p.m. Friday — What do Johnnie Walker Black and Josh Jenkins have in common? They’re both good on the rocks. The Sto-Rox sophomore had some big shoes to fill taking over for Eric Wilson. Stowe chose not to stow away Jenkins, and it has paid off as he has passed for eight touchdowns. Leave it to Beaver to try to slow down Jenkins and his buddies. The Golden Beavers are perfect thus far, but they will be more like Busy Beaver on Friday … busy trying to account for all of Sto-Rox’s playmakers. Winner: Sto-Rox.
West Allegheny at South Fayette, 7 p.m. Friday — Some of the top running backs in this game clearly play for the wrong schools. Why is West Allegheny’s Tommy St. Claire not at Upper St. Clair? And shouldn’t South Fayette’s Shay Aitken be at Shady Side Academy? You can’t go wrong with either of these quarterbacks. Gavin Miller and Naman Alemada are two really good ones. But this game will come down to defense, and South Fayette plays much more of it. Winner: South Fayette.
Elizabeth Forward at Mount Pleasant, 7 p.m. Friday — The Fumbler wishes Mount Pleasant would alter its name based on the way it’s playing. For instance, the Vikings are 4-1 at the moment, so maybe Mount Delightful is more like it. If they were to win the WPIAL title, Mount Amazing. Or if they explode for a ton of points, how about Mount Vesuvius. A terrific Elizabeth Forward defense won’t allow that last one this week. Mount Unpleasant will be more like it. Winner: Elizabeth Forward.
Gateway at Woodland Hills, 7 p.m. Saturday — The last time Gateway played a game, JFK was president and Elvis Presley sat at the top of the Billboard charts. Or at least it seems like that long ago. This is Gateway’s first game in a month and first road game of the season. Playing at the Wolvarena against a strong team won’t be a big deal for the Gators. The only road they’re focused on is the road to the WPIAL Class 5A title. Winner: Gateway.
And the rest (home teams in capital letters):
Thursday
CITY LEAGUE — Brashear over Perry.
WPIAL CLASS 1A — (Tri-County South) Avella over BENTWORTH.
NON-CONFERENCE — ALBERT GALLATIN over Carrick.
Friday
CITY LEAGUE — Westinghouse over University Prep.
WPIAL CLASS 6A — (Quad County) NORTH ALLEGHENY over Canon-McMillan; MT. LEBANON over Norwin.
WPIAL CLASS 5A — (Allegheny Six) PETERS TOWNSHIP over Bethel Park; UPPER ST. CLAIR over Moon. (Big East) PENN-TRAFFORD over Connellsville; FRANKLIN REGIONAL over Larobe. (Northeast) PENN HILLS over Fox Chapel; PINE-RICHLAND over North Hills; KISKI AREA over Shaler.
WPIAL CLASS 4A — (Big Eight) Belle Vernon over TRINITY; MCKEESPORT over Laurel Highlands; Thomas Jefferson over RINGGOLD. (Greater Allegheny) MARS over Greensburg Salem; Hampton over INDIANA; Highlands over ARMSTRONG; Plum over KNOCH. (Parkway) CHARTIERS VALLEY over Beaver.
WPIAL CLASS 3A — (Allegheny Seven) Burrell over FREEPORT; North Catholic over DEER LAKES. (Interstate) SOUTH ALLEGHENY over South Park. (Northwestern Six) Avonworth over HOPEWELL; Central Valley over AMBRIDGE; KEYSTONE OAKS over Quaker Valley.
WPIAL CLASS 2A — (Century) FRAZIER over Beth-Center; MCGUFFEY over Chartiers-Houston; Washington over CHARLEROI. (Midwestern) Beaver Falls over FREEDOM; LAUREL over Mohawk; NESHANNOCK over New Brighton; Riverside over ELLWOOD CITY. (Three Rivers) Seton LaSalle over CARLYNTON; BRENTWOOD over South Side Beaver.
WPIAL CLASS 1A — (Big Seven) Fort Cherry over UNION; BURGETTSTOWN over Northgate; SHENANGO over Our Lady of the Sacred Heart; Rochester over CORNELL. (Eastern) JEANNETTE over Bishop Canevin; Clairton over GREENSBURG CENTRAL CATHOLIC; SPRINGDALE over Imani Christian; LEECHBURG over Riverview. (Tri-County South) Jefferson-Morgan over MAPLETOWN.
NON-CONFERENCE — WEST GREENE over Brownsville; BUTLER over Erie; Ligonier Valley over WAYNESBURG; YOUGH over Valley.
Saturday afternoon
WPIAL CLASS 6A — (Quad County) SENECA VALLEY over Baldwin.
WPIAL CLASS 2A — (Allegheny) Steel Valley over SHADY SIDE ACADEMY.
Saturday night
WPIAL CLASS 4A — (Parkway) Aliquippa over MONTOUR.
WPIAL CLASS 1A — (Tri-County South) California over CARMICHAELS.
First Published: October 15, 2020, 10:45 a.m.