As baseball begins to establish its assuring American rhythms still again, you’ll no doubt notice that a sizable contingent of the people who go to baseball games bring with them only a marginal interest in, um, baseball.
Fortunately for the Pirates (and just about every other big-league organization), there’s an enthusiastic portion of the game’s fan base that couldn’t name you any of the club’s relief pitchers yet are acutely aware that the Mitch Keller Stars Wars Bobblehead giveaway is May 4, may the fourth be with them.
Stars Wars nights have surely caught on around baseball — the Yankees are offering a Gerrit Cole Jedi bobblehead on the same date, or roughly a month before the real-life Gerrit Cole is scheduled to return from the injured list.
For some reason, movie-themed nights at our ballparks haven’t ventured much beyond that one intergalactic blockbuster from 1977. Search as I might, I find there’s never a Casablanca Night, no Oppenheimer Day, no Pulp Fiction Night, even as Pittsburgh would be the perfect setting for Night of the Living Dead Night. The Pirates could consider following Pup Night and Dollar Dog Night with Dog Day Afternoon, but they probably won’t, and let’s not get ahead of ourselves.
At the end of this column, I’ll do that thing where I provide the actual Pirates giveaways and dates with others that I’ve clearly made up because the demand is just so great (snort!).
In the meantime, you should note that aside from the Yankees’ George Costanza bobblehead (July 5), which depicts the fictional assistant to the traveling secretary in his shirt and tie in mid-hitting demonstration (“not about muscle”), no organization has a better promotion this summer than what the Tigers are offering on Aug. 3 at Comerica Park: Jim Leyland Starter Kit Night.
Oh, it’s real.
To honor the former Pirates skipper on his induction into the Hall of Fame, the first 15,000 fans that night get a free Tigers hat, mustache and sunglasses. Someone said it is also known as Bring Your Own Smokes night, but hey, there’s no smoking in Comerica Park.
Runner-up for best major-league promotion of the summer looks like it’ll go down May 5 in Tampa, where the Rays will hand out Randy Arozarena luchador masks, like the one worn by Mexican wrestler Mistico. Arozarena actually wore one during the World Baseball Classic, I guess because no one said he couldn’t.
Also this summer, the Mets will play the Phillies in London for reasons best left unexamined, and the Mets are celebrating on May 11 with a bobblehead that positions Mr. Met in a London phone booth. I like it, even if a great portion of the fans on both sides of the Atlantic probably had a first reaction that went, “Who in a what?”
It should be pointed out here, as well, that major leagues remain comparatively uninspired in this aspect next to the reliable hijinks provided by minor-league baseball promoters, who remain the most imaginative and risk-embracing people in the game.
Where else but in the deep minors can you find Failed Marriage Proposal Night? Full disclosure, it didn’t go well. Death threats ensued.
Anyway, here’s your approximate Pirates promotion schedule for 2024. You’re welcome.
April 19 – Miller Lite Happy Hour
April 21 – Gateway Clipper BOGO Coupon (Check the fine print. Do you have to buy a boat?)
April 23 – Pup Night
April 24 – Dollar Dog Night
April 25 – Not Dog Day Afternoon
May 4 – Mitch Keller Star Wars Bobblehead
May 5 – Ke’Bryan Hayes Gold Glove Action Figure
May 21 – Pup Night
May 22 – Dollar Dog Night
May 23 – Still No Cat Day
May 24 – Fireworks Night
May 25 – Dave Parker The Cobra Bobblehead Night
June 4 – Pup Night
June 5 – Dollar Dog Night
June 6 – Cobra Night (waiver very different from Pup Night)
June 8 – ‘80s T-Shirt Night (Giveaway or requirement?)
June 9 – Eat’n Park Smiley Cookie Day
June 10 – Eat’n Park Whale of a Fish Sandwich Day (in your dreams)
June 21 – Bryan Reynolds City Connect Jersey T-Shirt Night
June 22 – Andrew McCutchen City Connect Bobblehead Night
June 23 – Kids’ Replica David Bednar City Connect Jersey Day
June 24 – Bryan Reynolds and Andrew McCutchen Meet The Wolfman Night
July 5 – Pirates Bucket Hat Night
July 6 – Pirates Hat Bucket Night
July 19 – Fireworks Night
July 20 – Yinzer-Themed Bobblehead Night (Details still mysterious at press time, but if there’s no Steelers jersey depicted, I don’t want it.)
Aug. 3 – Drone Show (You heard me.)
Aug. 8 – Bob Nutting Inaction Figure Day.
Aug. 17 – ‘90s T-Shirt (again, do I wear one?)
Aug. 24 – Fireworks Night
Aug. 27 -- Pup Night 7
Sept. 10 – Pup Night 8
Sept. 13 – Fireworks Night
Sept. 15 – Clemente Day
Sept. 24 – Pup Night 9 (Your final score: Pups 9, Cats 0)
Sept. 25 – Finally our old favorite, Just Watch The Damn Game Night.
And what ever happened to Free Shirt Friday?
Gene Collier: gcollier@post-gazette.com and on X: @genecollier
First Published: March 31, 2024, 9:30 a.m.
Updated: March 31, 2024, 10:49 p.m.
