No fewer than 172 unrestricted free agents signed with new teams for the 100th NFL season commencing this weekend, but the most unrestricted free agent of all landed on the Sunday Night Football pregame show.
We speak obviously of Joan Jett, the nonpareil songstress of the combustible Blackhearts who’ll be joining SNF pregame veteran Carry Underwood for a reprise of “Waitin’ All Day For Sunday Night,” the former SNF rock theme adapted from Jett’s dastardly ‘80s anthem “I hate myself for loving you.”
Having seen a clip of Jett’s performance that debuts prior to this Steelers-Patriots entanglement, I’m not sure the remainder of the NFL season won’t be all downhill from there. For its 100th season, the 21st century game has at least that many problems, even if it still has no such problem making a ton of money. With a few adjustments — hey, Roger Goodell has already lured no less transformative a figure than Jay Z into the corporation — the league can probably appease even that portion of its fan base that finds real irony in Jett’s “I hate myself for loving you.”
Speaking of problems, no one appears to have more pressing issues at the starting line than your Stillers, who must deal with Tom Brady (huge problem) at Foxborough (where they’ve never beaten him) without the guy who scored 43 percent of their touchdowns last year (No. 84).
Even prior to the departure of He Who Shall Not Be Named, the Steelers who last played in a game that mattered were not exactly a decorated bunch. Mike Tomlin’s team not only missed the playoffs on merit, its talent should have foretold as much. Of the 28 players on the 2018 Pro Football Writers of America All-Pro team, none were Steelers. Of the 28 on the 2018 Associated Press All-Pro Team, none were Steelers. Of the 32 players on the All-NFL team selected by both the aforementioned organizations, none were Steelers. And of the 27 players on the PFWA All-Rookie Team, none were Steelers.
None were Bills, Titans, Jaguars, Raiders, Redskins, Lions or Buccaneers either, but you pretty much knew that.
Needless to say, the Steelers captured none of the league’s major awards last season, but they came up well short on the minor awards, as well. The Built Ford Tough Offensive Line award went to the Rams, the Castrol Energy Clutch Performer of the Year went to the Saints’ Drew Brees, the Courtyard Unstoppable Performance of the Year went to Jared Goff of the Rams, and the Bridgestone Clutch Performance Play of the Year apparently did not happen in a Steelers Game. Even the Rooney Sportsmanship Award didn’t stay in house, instead going to Brees.
Of all the members of the Steelers’ New England travelling party, only Tomlin has given any indication he’s in mid-season form, which you knew from his midweek description of Brady’s “above-the-neck game; he’s very thoughtful about the utilization of his eligibles.”
The Steelers’ challenges in 2019 aren’t so daunting as some of the league’s as a whole, where major issues related to replay, to officiating, to injuries, to social justice, and to player discipline remain.
Happily, other issues are more easily addressed, such as the whole Kickoff Weekend trope. The Steelers are 43-36-5 all-time on Kickoff Weekend, which is neither here nor there, but what about the fact that Kickoff Weekend remains, after all these years, the only regular season weekend with its own name? We have Wild Card Weekend, but that’s postseason. What about Weeks 2 thru 17? They’re not worthy of being named? Typically, I’ve solved this. From now on, weekends shall be designated thusly:
Week 1 – Kickoff Weekend.
Week 2 – Touchback Weekend.
Week 3 – First Play From Scrimmage Weekend.
Week 4 – First Down Weekend.
Week 5 – Big Play Weekend.
Week 6 – Costly Turnover Weekend.
Week 7 – First Defensive Series Weekend.
Week 8 – First Measurement Weekend.
Week 9 – Replay Challenge Weekend.
Week 10 – Muffed Punt Weekend.
Week 11 – Went To The Well Once Too Often Weekend.
Week 12 – Mental Mistakes Are Killing This Team Weekend.
Week 13 – Second Replay Challenge Weekend.
Week 14 – Quarterback Controversy Weekend.
Week 15 – Fans In Santa Suits Weekend.
Week 16 – Frozen Tundra Weekend.
Week 17 – Diva Wideout Meltdown Weekend.
You’re welcome.
As we celebrate the long-awaited removal of the NFL RedZone test pattern that’s been frozen onto that cable channel since January, let me just correct two other seemingly intractable in-game problems the league just can’t seem to get right.
One is replay, where the people who predicted that the more things that are “reviewable,” the duller the game remain 100 percent correct. The days of fans cheering touchdowns are fading fast. Cheering a replay confirmation will sound more and more like golf applause in each passing week.
Here are a few factoids from one of my favorite volumes of summer beach reading, The Official NFL Record & Fact Book, all of which exacerbate the replay issue.
“There is no limit to the number of Replay Reviews that may be initiated by the Replay Official.”
There. Is. No. Limit.
“All reviewable aspects of the play may be examined and are subject to reversal, even if not identified in a coach’s challenge or if not the specific reason for the Replay Official’s request for review.”
There was no pass interference on the play, but there was encroachment, a helmet-to-helmet collision, a facemask penalty, offensive and defensive holding, a personal foul, and what appeared to be breaking and entering. We’ll sort all of that out, convene to decide the spot of the ball, re-convene to determine how much time should be on the game clock, and then alert the clock operator, should he or she still be awake. Get back to us in maybe an hour.
In 1999 and 2000, the first two seasons after which the NFL instituted Referee Replay Review to aid officiating, there were 442 replay stoppages. In the two most recent seasons, there were 778, an increase of 76 percent.
Solution to all of this: Death to replay.
You’re welcome.
The second easily-remedied in-game annoyance is overtime, which is now a maximum 10-minute modified sudden death affair where death can still be sudden if the team that gets the ball first scores a touchdown. Except in the playoffs, which is a series of 15-minute periods of modified sudden death where sudden death is still in the air as in the 10-minute arrangement, either of which can be ended by the referee awarding a score for a “palpably unfair act.”
Uh-huh.
Solution: Winner of the overtime coin toss wins the game.
You’re welcome.
Enjoy Joan Jett.
Gene Collier: gcollier@post-gazette.com and Twitter @genecollier.
First Published: September 8, 2019, 1:00 p.m.