When Steelers head coach Mike Tomlin dropped off his eldest son, Dino, at college two years ago, he planned out the perfect goodbye. He gave Dino a firm handshake with a locked elbow, trying to hold back the tears.
Driving away as his son ran to his new friends, Mr. Tomlin thought about the farewell he didn’t get when he left for college. He grew up without a relationship with his biological father.
“You really don’t understand how challenging [fatherlessness] is until you have your own [kids],” Mr. Tomlin said in an address to participants at this year’s ManUp Pittsburgh conference Saturday. “The saddest reality for me is I didn’t even know what I missed or feel what I missed until I had my own kids.”
His experience growing up without a father inspired Mr. Tomlin to advocate for the importance of strong father figures and male role models through ManUp Pittsburgh, an annual conference that encourages men to have a positive impact on their families and fatherless youth in their communities.
For the ninth year, he joined forces with the Rev. Dr. Ed Glover and the Urban Impact Foundation, a faith-based nonprofit organization, to host ManUp. At Victory Family Church in Cranberry on Saturday, Mr. Tomlin and Steelers defensive end Cam Heyward spoke to a crowd of 600 about their experiences with fatherlessness and encouraged them to take responsibility and be available for children who need strong role models.
“Particularly young people, they look to us as leaders,” Mr. Tomlin said in an interview. “They watch us, and they watch how we conduct ourselves. It’s less about what we say. What we say reinforces the things that they see. For me, more than anything, I try to display the things that I value or that I want them to value.”
ManUp participants also attended breakout sessions led by pastors that highlighted topics such as family, forgiveness and religious devotion.
Rev. Glover founded Urban Impact in 1995 to help at-risk children and their families through academic, spiritual, athletic, artistic and social programming. The organization works with 2,500 kids in the area and has seen a 100% high school graduation rate as well as 97% of their students transition to college, trade school, the workforce, the military or ministry.
“I just have a great deal of respect for the Urban Impact ministry,” Mr. Tomlin said in an interview. “It’s unique. There are certain things that attract you to people or to causes, and their willingness to live in the communities and to raise their families within the communities that they serve is just so admirable. I’ve got so much respect for it, and that’s why I’m here.”
ManUp got its start in 2013 after Rev. Glover heard former Steelers safety and defensive backs coach Tony Dungy speak about his goal of impacting urban and fatherless children.
“[Fatherlessness] is not a problem,” Rev. Glover said to the ManUp attendees. “It has become an epidemic.”
In America, 20 million children were born into fatherless homes, and fatherlessness has grown by 245% since the 1970s, Rev. Glover said. Fatherless children are four times more likely to be poor, make up 90% of runaway children, 71% of high school dropouts and 63% of youth suicides, he added. Rev. Glover committed to the cause and contacted Mr. Tomlin.
Mr. Tomlin immediately wanted to get involved, but Rev. Glover thought he might be too busy.
“We went back and forth, and finally Mike slaps his hand on the table, and he looks at me,” Rev. Glover said in an interview. “He says, ‘I want to help you.’ And I looked at him, and I said, ‘Mike, why?’ And he looked at me, and he said, ‘Well, apparently you don’t know it, but I buried my father two weeks ago – a father I didn’t know.’”
Mr. Tomlin has headlined the event ever since as well as ManUp’s expansion in Charlotte, N.C. After a virtual format in 2020, this year’s event offered both an in-person and online component. A condensed two-hour recording of the six-hour conference will be available June 19.
Past guests with Mr. Tomlin have included Steelers Will Allen, Ryan Shazier and Ben Roethlisberger, who spoke at the virtual event in 2020.
“They’re using their platform to really encourage challenge, motivate and inspire people to do what is right,” Rev. Glover said. “It’s huge.”
For Mr. Heyward and Mr. Tomlin, sports and football played a significant role in their fatherless upbringings. Mr. Heyward, who lost his father at 17, was pushed and supported by veteran Steelers such as Brett Kiesel, Aaron Smith and Troy Polamalu in his early playing days.
“Because of those three guys, I understood what it meant to be a man of the community, a man that gave back,” he said in a Q&A with former Steeler guard Craig Wolfley at the event.
Since, he has paid it forward and been a role model for younger players as one of the team’s captains. He continues his leadership off the field through The Heyward House, his foundation that is dedicated to improving the lives of youth through community support.
ManUp has impacted thousands of men in the Pittsburgh area, as some years have seen as many as 1,400 attend.
“I’m trying to be the best godly husband and father I can be, and I’m trying to get better,” Mr. Tomlin said. “I’m trying to challenge others to get better. I hope that we all leave in that spirit. I hope we all leave better, and we all leave with a clear focus on what that looks like with a renewed commitment to give ourselves and our time to others.”
lassimakopoulos@post-gazette.com and Twitter @Lassimak.
First Published: June 13, 2021, 12:37 a.m.
