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While you are racing to catch a bus, your PlayStation Portable drops from your pocket and actually reaches the bus stop before you do.
What that indicates is something about Pittsburghers, second perhaps only to Pueblo Indians in enjoying living in cliff dwellings or hillsides that could serve as ski jumps. You know you’re in Pittsburgh if you can arrive at the bottom faster by falling than running.
The adventure above actually happened to Royce Witherspoon — Royce, not Reese — as he hustled one day down Dornbush Street in the East Hills, and his PSP dropped from his pocket. “It was sliding ahead of me and we actually met up at the bottom.” His PSP was broken and he missed his bus. Hey, you gotta lean back and counter the momentum.
The 24-year-old Allderdice High School graduate lives just above the steepest segment of never-not-steep Dornbush, which the Huffington Post has listed as the eighth steepest street in the nation.
And here you were anticipating another story about Canton Avenue in Beechview — the steepest street in the mainland United States and second in all 50 states to a mountainous roadway in Hawaii that’s so crazy steep that a parachute might be recommended. Every October, Pittsburgh enjoys clips of bereft bicyclists, noses to handlebars, churning their way up Canton during the Dirty Dozen bike race.
But Dornbush neither gets nor seeks such publicity.
“You gotta go where you gotta go,” Mr. Witherspoon philosophized about his lifelong home on quarter-mile-long Dornbush.
The Huffington Post listed its grade at 32%, meaning it rises 3.2 feet for every 10 horizontal feet. Canton Avenue’s 265 steep feet are 38% and the Hawaii goat path is 45%.
If you doubt the steepness, drive Dornbush (one way downhill) or Canton (one way uphill) and feel gravity tugging at you, wanting you to go pinwheeling or skidding into the dangerous intersection below.
Mr. Witherspoon only jokes about “death by Dornbush” and how he’s learned “from other people’s mistakes.” If there’s ice, don’t drive on Dornbush. Period. Don’t ride bikes down Dornbush, as did his daredevil cousin.
“You could see him up the hill, then he just let go [of the brakes]. He went zooming downhill 45 mph. I was afraid something really bad was going to happen.”
The cousin survived his rollercoaster ride down Dornbush, a street familiar only to residents and lost souls. “If they aren’t from here, you know they are lost,” he said.
Sidewalks scaling Dornbush and Canton have so many steps they resemble bleachers.
Timothy Protzman, now of Cape Coral, Fla., has two rental properties at Dornbush’s steepest point. Steepness, he opined, is more of an advantage than detriment because it limits traffic and noise.
“I’ve never had any complaints [from tenants], but holy cow, I wouldn’t want to drive that in the winter,” he said. “When I park there, I turn the wheels in and put on the parking brake.”
But never has he dared to walk from Frankstown Road to his properties: “I’d need a heart machine and oxygen if I had to walk up that hill. I have no desire to do it.”
Dornbush Street protects its secrecy while Canton Avenue has become a tourist attraction.
Maria Watson, who lives on a flat portion of Canton, described how an older gentleman sometimes would push a baby in a stroller up and down that slope. She even saw him slip one day. I won’t share the nightmarish “what ifs” we discussed.
“It’s kind of hard getting an Uber ride in the winter,” she admits. And people do tell her to be careful, not about the dangerous slope but bears. She even Googled a story about bear sightings near Canton Avenue.
Now that’s perfect Pittsburgh. When living atop a cliff, the concern is bears.
Meanwhile, University of Pittsburgh students Jimmy Smith and Nadiya Greaser, two Philadelphia area natives, recently negotiated Canton’s pitched angles during a sightseeing trek that included Mount Washington and Polish Hill. “I was worried it would be just another hill but this is more than just another hill,” Ms. Greaser said.
Lisa Digiacomo, 50, of Stratford, N.J., and family members were recently making their way up Canton Avenue — en route to the Football Hall of Fame in, of all places, Canton, Ohio.
“It’s pretty steep. I’m not going to lie,” she said. “It’s worth seeing.”
Yes, it is. From the bottom, it looks as though you’re about to scale a brick wall. All the while, her twins, Michael and Sophia, both 13, climbed the slopes, basked on the bricks, and enjoyed the Pittsburgh way of living the angles, all while taking lots of photographs with mobile phones.
It’s just fortunate they didn’t have PSPs.
David Templeton: dtempleton@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1578. Twitter: @templetoons.
First Published: November 18, 2019, 12:15 p.m.
Updated: November 18, 2019, 12:32 p.m.