The National Football League, having succeeded in completely eradicating bad behavior on the part of its players (more than a year now without a single dead dog), is turning its scrutiny to the live audiences by creating, in conjunction with each of its 32 clubs, a fan code of conduct.

Dead serious.

There's a bulging package of banishment-triggering behaviors, including unruly behavior, disruptive behavior, illegal behavior, intoxication, "other signs of alcohol impairment (no more taking the escalator on all fours)," foul language, abusive language, obscene gestures, interference with the progress of the game, throwing objects on the field, failure to follow the instructions of stadium personnel, verbal harassment of the opposing team's fans and physical harassment of the opposing team's fans.

This means the Oakland Raiders will be playing their fourth quarters at home in front of about 17 people, and that in Philadelphia, the city that gave us Eagles jail (the bird cage) right there in the late Veterans Stadium, well, let's not even speculate.

"We are committed to improving the fan experience in every way we can," said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell in a league document obtained unexclusively by the Post-Gazette, "from the time fans arrive in the parking lot to when they depart the stadium."

Though generally a fan of the commish, these noble efforts are likely too late, particularly in Pittsburgh, where you may have noticed that the game-day experience reliably includes the enthusiastic consumption of adult beverages, perhaps no more than in a lot of NFL cities, but certainly not any less.

Once, because Danger is my middle name, I accepted the assignment of attending a Steelers game dressed in the officially licensed garb of that Sunday's opponent, the Denver Broncos. Since I thought it might enhance the story (and for only that reason), I started at the since departed Rosa Villa, thinkin' I'd give the local fans a chance to abuse me in the maximum number of settings.

Regrettably, and this may shock you, I've been in a tavern or 200, but I have never seen a clientele drink so much, so hard, and so fast as the packed-to-the-walls crowd about to amble toward Three Rivers Stadium from that historic North Side restaurant. Abuse was minimal, with one guy screaming "Denver sucks" close enough to my face that I got a brief shower, but today I wish Goodell had been commissioner back then. As the crowd banged out the door, I could have yelled, "Wait, don't forget your code of conduct! I have copies!"

Yesterday, without breaking stride, Mike Tomlin addressed the issue in his final comments before the Steelers and the Eagles rub backups together tomorrow night at Heinz Field.

"As far as I know, our fans are great and the people who cheer for us cheer appropriately," Tomlin told a news conference with so many cameras you'd have thought he'd just returned from the moon. "You know it's a hostile atmosphere and the key is to make it hostile the right way, and I think our fans provide that. I know I'm looking forward to driving across the bridge to the North Side on Friday night and feeling that energy and excitement, because that does not get old."

Having gone 7-1 at home in his first regular season as coach, Tomlin might have been a little wary of any forced variance to Heinz Field's, um, atmosphere, particularly its TBAL (total blood alcohol level), but the guy's too smart to weigh in on the particulars of any Steelers crowd's pregame preparation.

What the league wants to emphasize is that code violators risk not only ejection without refund, but the potential loss of future ticket privileges. That's right, you could be suspended as often as Chris Henry and without even being given a list of banned substances to work from. The implicit Steelers crowd no-mohitos policy likely is too lenient.

Technically, the Steelers have had all the elements of the newly "created" code as policy at Heinz Field since its inception and have even phoned ticket-holders who caused incidents to warn against any repetition. Still, at their regular pregame meeting yesterday, club administrators referred to the new code with emphasis, so be careful out there.

Generally, I'd guess if you merely observe the traditional prohibitions -- no public urination before halftime, no sex with the beer vendor outside of the extreme upper deck -- you should be all right.