I met Barbara Thrash Murphy through the obituaries. Her centenarian mother passed away the same day as my 36-year-old brother and their death notices ran side by side in the newspaper.

The tribute to the centenarian piqued my curiosity and I sent a condolence note to the family. I discovered that Barbara's mother, an avid writer and diary keeper since childhood, compiled her thoughts and wrote a memoir that captured her feelings and recollections from a childhood in Pittsburgh, to married life in Chicago, then back to Pittsburgh to raise a family. I was interested in reading the autobiography, thinking that someone who lived 100 years and kept a journal must have had a lot of insight and experiences to share. What I learned was that it was Barbara herself who had a story worth telling.

Corresponding through e-mail, we connected in our grief. Barbara empathized with my sister-in-law's situation as a young widow left with three small children when my brother died. She told me how her own mother became a widow with young children when Barbara was only 8 years old and moved her family to the familiarity and comfort of Pittsburgh to live with their grandparents.

Reading the memoir, I learned that grief touches people from all walks of life and each handles it in a different way, but in getting to know Barbara, I never expected to learn of the unimaginable circumstances she endured later in life as a mother herself.

"I also know what it is like to lose someone so young," she explained to me. "My 16-year-old daughter was murdered here in Pittsburgh many years ago, but it remains as clear in my mind as if it happened yesterday."

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When we met in person, I was taken aback by Barbara's beautiful face that shined as bright as her perfectly pressed yellow blouse. Her smooth skin was devoid of wrinkles, defying the tragic event that took place in her life. No one would guess that she recently turned 77. I couldn't help but wonder how any mother could overcome the brutal death of her child.

Barbara bravely recounted how in 1976 her daughter never returned home for dinner after being outside with a young neighbor. She was missing from 4 p.m. until 10 the next morning, when police found her battered body strangled with a belt.

Barbara pulled out a portrait of her daughter, Donna, a lovely young woman frozen in time, forever 16. Emotions quickly rose to the surface as Barbara's eyes filled up.

I asked if it was too difficult to talk about, but Barbara said no. "For a long time, no one wanted to talk about Donna and no one understood that I did. I wanted someone to ask me about her or to listen to me if I mentioned her."

There were years of devastation for Barbara, but without the assistance of doctors or medications, she knew that she had to find a way to go on with her life. "It's something you never forget and you are never the same again, but I tried to be self-reliant. I knew that ultimately, it was up to me to move on and, fortunately, I pulled through my time of despair."

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Barbara's resilience is something to be admired. Many people who suffer such a horrific loss would want to leave the area and erase the constant reminder, but Pittsburgh was home for Barbara and she wanted to occupy herself by giving something back.

While raising four children, she made good on a promise to her mother to continue her education. As an employee of the University of Pittsburgh, she took advantage of the opportunity to earn her bachelor's and master's degrees in elementary education and, eventually, a doctorate in curriculum and supervision. She had a full career dedicated to teaching young children, but it didn't stop there.

As a retiree, Barbara became an accomplished author by taking on the task to work on the third edition of "Black Authors and Illustrators of Books for Children and Young Adults," a renowned reference work that illuminates African-American contributions to this genre of books. This unique volume includes 1,250 titles and biographical information on 274 black authors and illustrators, offering a rich source of knowledge for readers. Among numerous other projects, Barbara also serves as a reviewer for "The Best Books for Babies."

Today, Barbara is a grateful person. "When you're in despair, it's important to know that someone else has gone through the same or much worse than you. Through tragedy, I have learned to become thankful just for a good day."

I took her words to heart, thankful that by meeting through an unlikely circumstance, Barbara's life touched mine.