Do you want to ask a question? Send an e-mail to questions@ catscall.com or write to:

Catherine Specter
Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
34 Blvd. of the Allies
Pittsburgh, Pa. 15222

... or visit her Web site at catscall.com

DEAR CAT: It's been one year since my ex and I went our separate ways. We were constrained by factors such as distance and jobs, but I was convinced we would make it work. To my disappointment, we did not. Our times together were amazing, and I would do anything to return to those days. But I'm back "on the market," dating. I find it impossible to see other women and not think of my ex. I've met some great ones -- independent, attractive, successful -- but I compare them to her and none have stood a chance. Shouldn't a year be enough time to get my act together and move on already? Why am I wasting my "prime" years mourning a loss when I should be out celebrating with future potential?

-- EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

DEAR E.U.: Distance shmistance. Jobs shmobs. Those aren't good enough reasons for a great thing to fail. A year is a decent amount of time to move on, but heartbreak doesn't have an "off" switch. And your mourning isn't a waste of time if it teaches you what you really want in a partner. Dating you, however, might be a colossal waste of time. But there are things you can do to move forward and gain perspective, like consciously refraining from comparing anyone to your ex -- it sets an impossible standard for others and will keep you stuck. And ...

Cat's Call: If the love was real and mutual, you might want to give it another shot.

DEAR CAT: How does a person find her "calling," i.e. a career that suits me? I am extremely quiet and shy and potential bosses see this as an absolute negative in the workplace. I've been temping while I look for full-time work. But I'm always told, "You're nice and a hard-worker, but you're just too quiet. We're concerned about that in meetings and such, so we're giving the permanent job to someone else." It's extremely discouraging. It seems the only job suited for me is a mime or a hermit! I'm praised for doing a great job, but also told my personality basically disqualifies me for the job. My too silent personality gets in my way. It is part of who I am, part of myself that I don't want to change, but it seems as if I must to fit in. Any advice on finding future career happiness?

-- QUIET CALLING

DEAR Q.C.: Being a hermit would require a steady income. And unless you're serious about the mime thing, profound shyness is something you should want to change -- because it's preventing you from achieving the life you want! A perfect career is one that fulfills you, so imagine jobs and industries that appeal to you. Then think about pursuing them as careers. You'll find that even the most "quiet" options require some self-promotion to make them a reality, so if you must seek professional help to work through this, go for it! Let your family and friends help you, too. We are talking about your life, after all. The great news is that you can find your dream career. But ...

Cat's Call: Only you can make it happen.