That's it, I give up on trying to make sense of "American Idol." The show has officially become a popularity contest. Syesha Mercado and Carly Smithson land in the bottom two of Andrew Lloyd Webber week after two of their best performances yet. Brooke White forgets the lyrics and Jason Castro offers another cheeseball performance -- these two should have been the bottom two. As usual, the Davids -- Archuleta and Cook -- shine, and remain my picks for the final two. Surprisingly, Syesha is safe another week while tattooed Irish girl Carly is out. Maybe her "Simon loves me (this week)" T-shirt jinxed her? I'm going to keep rooting for Syesha, although I must admit nerdy David C. is growing on me ... just a little.

"Idol" airs Tuesday at 8 p.m. and Wednesday at 9 p.m. on Fox.

Once again, viewer votes aren't enough to keep the last place finisher in the competition on "Dancing with the Stars," as Marlee Matlin is eliminated along with her professional partner, Fabian Sanchez. The deaf actress' mambo was tarnished with a few missteps during her performance this week, earning her just a 21. Judge Len Goodman says Marlee's dance looked "uncomfortable throughout," and sadly she's eliminated. Olympic ice skater Kristi Yamaguchi gets the season's first perfect 30 after a flawless jive, while singer Mario's sexy rhumba places second among the judges with a 28, but he suprisingly lands in the bottom two. I'm rooting for professional footballer Jason Taylor, whose delightful cha-cha deserves better than a 24.

"Dancing" airs Monday at 8 p.m. and Tuesday at 9 p.m. on ABC.

On "The Hills," the ladies clash when Stephanie brings Heidi to Goa and they cozy up next to Lauren on the couch. "I can't pretend it's normal that we're all sitting together," Lauren complains about her ex-BFF, then leaves. Later, Heidi vents to ex Spencer about LC's behavior at the club, but he doesn't care. "No offense, I really don't want to talk about you out at clubs," he says. Maybe if she'd make up her mind about their relationship status he'd be a bit warmer. Meanwhile, Justin Bobby's back in Audrina's life, but she tells him she doesn't want any drama. Later, Lauren and Lo invite Audrina to move into a house with them. That's where the real drama will begin.

"The Hills" airs Monday at 10 p.m. on MTV.

On VH1's "Rock of Love 2" reunion special, Angelique says she's stopped stripping, but she saves her last lap dance for Bret Michaels. Aubry is mortified, but who knew she had a little thing going on with Kristy Joe, who is now living with her husband?! Season one runner-up Heather returns. Then season two runner-up Daisy calls Heather "Skeevy" Nicks, who accuses fellow dancer Daisy of wanting to be just like her. A sweet hair-pulling, jewel-ripping catfight ensues. Most importantly, actress Ambre's still Bret's Rock of Love and the sickeningly sweet lovebirds look to live happily ever after.

On "The Paper," Amanda's been named the new editor-in-chief, and her staff is not pleased. The overachiever's first meeting results in chaos. She holds an ice-cream social in an attempt to let her staff mingle, but the bonding quickly turns into a gossip session, and they're ready to overthrow their ruler. Adam's laser-tag party -- sans Amanda -- outshines her social, but the editor remains clueless that no one likes her. "I really am the luckiest editor-in-chief in the world!" she proclaims.

"The Paper" airs Monday at 10:30 p.m. on MTV.

On "Paradise Hotel," James wins a poker tournament, earning immunity from a surprise elimination ceremony where he must choose which guy is sent home -- Chris or Aaron, since they both pick Myrna. James chooses Chris to leave, who, in turn, has to pick one female to eliminate. He boldly and bitterly chooses Lauren, an original cast member who is loved by everyone. "You took away our fun, dude," Ryan whines. Next week, temperamental original Rahiem returns.

"Paradise Hotel" airs Monday at 9 p.m. on MyNetworkTV.

... is Sheila on "Big Brother." The 46-year-old single mom (and 1984 Penthouse Pet of the Year) makes it to the final three through her alliance with original partner Adam, but her tearful pleas can't take her to Sunday's finale. "She's a one-trick pony, Sheila -- cry," says Jury member Matty. He's right. While Sheila is tough, lovable and arguably most in need of the money, her game play (a k a crying) isn't as strong as that of boys Adam and Ryan. Sheila's devastated after her elimination, but I bet she gives her vote to her friend, Adam.

"Farmer Wants a Wife," Wednesday, 9 p.m., the CW.

"American Gladiators," May 12, 8 p.m., NBC.

"The Bachelorette," May 19, 9 p.m., ABC.

"So You Think You Can Dance 4," May 22, 9:30 p.m., Fox.

"Last Comic Standing," May 22, 9:30 p.m., NBC.

"The Mole 2," May 26, 10 p.m., ABC.

"The Academy," May, Fox Reality Channel.