If you missed the last column, we were dealing with the problem posed by a 56-year-old woman, who tells about her 50-year-old sister. The sister, after four failed marriages, moved back in with their parents, who are in their late 70s. The younger sister refuses to contribute financially to the parents and basically takes advantage of them. The parents are going downhill both mentally and physically. What to do?

To judge from our readers' letters and e-mails, the phenomenon of "boomers" becoming "boomerangs" by returning to their parents' homes is becoming increasingly common. And, unless and until seniors get wise and begin to deal with the underlying problems, the financial and emotional strain will continue to escalate.

As cold-hearted as it may seem, we believe that any return home by a boomerang should be preceded by a frank talk about the "rules of the roost," including how expenses will be shared each month and how long the stay will last.

Coming up with an economic plan is essential. If seniors accept rent from a boomerang, the senior will have to report it as income and, depending on what other income the older person has, taking rent may result in taxation -- or greater taxation -- of Social Security benefits.

On the other hand, if part of a residence is rented, this may allow depreciation deductions to offset income. So check with your CPA about the effect of payments you receive before you take them. The better way, we believe, is to enter into an expense-sharing agreement by which ongoing household expenses -- utilities, basic telephone, etc. -- are shared.

As ridiculous as it may sound, putting rules of occupancy and responsibility in writing is imperative. For example, if you wake up one morning and your 53-year-old son introduces you to his new girlfriend over breakfast, it may be too late. Depending on the situation, you may want to set a curfew, establish who can and can't be in the house, decide how to share cooking, laundry and cleaning chores, etc. Everyone should sign off on the arrangement to avoid misunderstandings.

And since no agreement should be open-ended, be sure to establish when the stay will end and put that date in the agreement.

You can always extend it with the consent of all parties.

If a debt-ridden child comes home, insist that he/she attend credit counseling. Under no circumstances should you obligate yourself for your child's debts. You are giving your child a chance at a fresh start by having to pay minimal living expenses, making it easier for them to pay off their debts. That should be enough. You live within your means, and so should your children.

So, no matter how much your adult child may beg, don't imperil your own financial independence by trying to pull a sinking child out of the pit. To do so could have a negative impact on your future. If you do decide to help, be sure to limit your assistance, and don't get suckered in by hard-luck stories.

It took you many years to at least have the semblance of financial security. If you spend this money, you could well become dependent on other children, so be careful. Family closeness aside, welcoming back a boomerang child is a financial decision, and it must be treated as such.

As for our 56-year-old reader, we suggest calling a family meeting and helping your parents lay out some new rules. If necessary, ask a trusted family friend or the family lawyer to sit in, too, to back up your parents and explain to your sister why her goldbricking can't continue. And if she refuses to change her ways and won't pay her fair share of the expenses, insist that she move out. You'll have to be the "bad guy" here, because your parents won't want to play this role.